Heart tax day

Valentine’s day in the States today, a day for single people to binge on chocolate and sappy movies, and for men in relationships to fear the wrath of their significant others if they don’t kowtow to the Flower-Restaurant-Greeting Card Complex (FRGCC).

Naturally, I boycott the whole spectacle. I will not be given a date on the calendar when I am forced to be “romantic.”

My wife lets me get away with this, which ironically makes me love her even more…

Here’s the straight dope: Ladies, when your significant other shows up with roses or chocolate or a card or takes you out to dinner on Valentine’s Day, he is not being romantic. He just fears sleeping in a cold, lonely bed.

Don’t believe me? Head down to the grocery store or your nearest flower store and hang out for a little while. Look at the faces of the men paying exorbitant amounts for roses. Do those men look like they are in a romantic mood? Are their eyes dancing with happiness at the thought of a romantic dinner with their beloved, or are they flop sweating at the thought of the flowers having sold out?

I’ve long been curious about the iron grip the FRGCC has on the minds of America, and discovered to my horror today that the brainwashing actually begins in day care.

Went to pick up Andrea and she greeted me by yelling “Happy Valentine’s Day!” They’d made big paper hearts, some of the children brought Valentine’s Day cards, and one of the boys had even brought in candy in little paper bags decorated with hearts to share with everybody in the class.

I fear that unless decisive action is taken soon, her soul will be lost to the FRGCC…